Some have been subtle. Some have been NOT SO subtle. So, I shall end the drought and provide an update. I guess by updating here it means this little bubby is still kicking it and that is scary, because I'm not used to the emotional changes that happen.

When you're still riding the rollercoaster, you latch onto whatever in the hell you can that gets you through your day. For me it was making plans, long lists of pros and cons and my binder. My binder is famous with my doctors. I have every single test, procedure, and any info I've stolen from their office nicely categorized, by colour, in my binder. It took a lot of upkeep and it gave me power.

This...this magical little being who continues to thrive despite bleeding and irritable uterus and mastitis...this little being demands more than I can imagine. I threw up for 20 weeks. Not as bad in the final stretch as in the middle, but it's exhausting. I haven't gained any weight, and as of Saturday (even after lunch) I'm down 10 pounds. I am so exhausted I can't keep up anymore. I feel suddenly very old.

When it was pelvic pain, I could pop some lovely drug and push myself, a sort of F-you pain, watch me keep going! I mean, I exercised! I cleaned the house! I had a schedule of cleaning the house!! Now I'm lucky to get the damn dishes done. It's hard to suddenly realize that the 'strength' you thought you had inside was just bull-headed determination that suddenly doesn't exist anymore.

I've been reading a fantastic book by Sheila Kitzinger (no longer in print) and she writes a lot in the first 10 pages that women are taught by others to be so subservient that when it's time to look after ourselves we just push it to the backburner. And when pregnancy occurs it suddenly shifts the entire emotional world and a lot of women go into a sort of shock as their emotions are forced to the black cocks 

I assume that's normal and something to be expected after having a tube in your throat, but we didn't know because Andy doesn't meow that often? Andy is the silent moody Taurus and Ben is the outgoing Libra.

While Ben was gone Andy took advantage of all the best sunny spots and must have thought Ben wasn't coming back. Afterall, the cage didn't come home either.

Boy was he surprised! He truly looked horrified to see the cage return and a tired wee man come out. It's like Day 1 all over again.

I think Ben had trouble sleeping when he got home from the vet. I told him that when he opened his eyes after sleeping he'd see he was home and not still there. I feel so bad for the wee boy.

As much as that little rat makes me mad, I missed him so much. I didn't have my grey cat to follow me around and talk to me.